rodneykong: ghostgif: 98% of divorces are caused by Mario Party yes your honor, this marriage can no longer work out after the trauma I suffered from my wife stealing not one, but TWO of my stars
galaxys4: who gives a shit if yahoo bought tumblr I can’t believe how people are actually being fucking babies about this
thecouscousqueen: grrrlfever: Cosmo sex tip #394: Once your man reaches orgasm, awkwardly embrace him and whisper “well done Draco.” I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD I SWEAR
shavingryansprivates: do you ever have a friendship crush on someone where you just really wanna be their friend but you’re afraid to talk to them
enayalate-h8-this-year: bbanditt: slett: winchestercodependency: ibecameacat: what if all your fingers just turned into tongues… like what would you even do dude people with vaginas would have the best time getting off “People with vaginas” what are those called again I can’t remember
izzielosthermind: stabla: if you think your family is dysfunctional remember that zeus got a woman pregnant but she burned to death so he rescued the fetus from her ashes and sewed it into his thigh and gave birth to it himself and that fetus is now the god of wine and sexual deviancy god bless My great aunt stabbed her husband in the stomach on their anniversary and he decided not to...
vexarion: ifyoucarryonthisway: i need a job where i work one hour a week and i get paid a thousand dollars a minute
piercethefuenciado: i don’t even remember like 85% of 2012 More like 789046%
*accidentally opens undesired program* *heart races as i try to force quit before it can fully open*
loveekathryn: My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.
deucebowl: How the FUCK am I supposed to have a good day when 28% of Americans aren’t getting enough fiber?
i cant sleep but im sleepy do you see my fuckin problem
yourvoiceinnovember: Every class has that one student where every time they talk or raise their hand the teacher is just like
gordo-tron: jimmyjamjimjohn: rubywhiterabbit: One day we’ll be in a Marvel movie, sitting there as something doesn’t feel right. and as the credits start to roll we’ll know what it is. It will flash up on screen and our hearts will break. “In loving memory of Stan Lee”. There was no cameo in that movie. And there never will be again.